Less than three weeks to election day, and I don't have a clue who to vote for.

I can't bring myself to vote for the ANC because party leader Jacob Zuma's solution to teenage pregnancy is to take the babies away and send the mothers to boarding school until they get degrees.

He seems to have the mentality of a maiden aunt when it comes to other people's morals, but fails to apply the same high standards to his own. The ANC has lost my vote.

We need a strong opposition, and Cope seemed like the way to go, until the party made an unknown cleric its leader.

I've spent enough years with clerics to know that they are almost all either idealists or machiavellian. We don't want either as president.

DA leader Helen Zille might have got my vote, except I hate her new plastic doll look. She looks as though she's been styled by former UK prime minister Margaret Thatcher. What good is a politician who can't scowl?

ID leader Patricia de Lille puts me off for exactly the opposite reason: she isn't groomed enough. She doesn't look as though she can organise her wardrobe - or delegate the task to a consultant. How can she organise a party, let alone a country?

What's a girl to do?

Then I found the poll on the Mail & Guardian website. This is a novel idea - disregard the off-putting to entirely repulsive individuals standing for election, and make your decision based on their policies.

At http://elections.mg.co.za/pollpredictor you answer a series of questions about everything from black economic empowerment, health, education, and the Scorpions to energy and housing. The system then works out which party is closest to your views.

I was surprised to find that I should be voting ID.

I have to admit, discovering that one of their candidates dismembered and boiled his girlfriend was a little offputting.

Maybe I'm just squeamish.

But it makes sense now. De Lille and I are meant for each other. I can't organise my wardrobe or work with an image consultant, either.

And it seems we agree on other less important issues too, like corruption and education.

If you're looking for some election wear, Hayibo has issued a great new T shirt.

If you go to www.Hayibo.com, you can purchase a shirt with a sketch of ANC Youth League president Julius Malema on the front, and the legend: 100 percent for Zuma, 20 percent for Woodwork.

Read my blog at www.helenbrain.co.za